


Free

by Morethancupcake



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (at first), (since someone asked me to tag it), Alternate Universe, Aspiring Singer Steve, Bottom Steve, Closeted Character, Closeted Steve, Depressed Steve Rogers, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Fame, Fans, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Relationship Negotiation, Secret Relationship, Unrequited Crush, protective friends, tiny joke about Taylor Swift in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: "Steve reads, and the words dance in front of his eyes, because while this used to be his dream, what he wanted, all he can think about is how this Hell will soon become his full time life."Steve discovers fame, with fans waiting for him in the lobby and girls passing him their numbers after the shows. It used to be what he wanted, he supposes. Except his future managers keep asking more and more from him, and he's not sure his old life will survive. Tony is ready to help, and compromise, but Steve maybe isn't anymore.





	Free

**Author's Note:**

> There it is !! I unfortunately lost the first draft (edited and all) when my laptop crashed (RIP). This isn't exactly the same story, but I feel like I had to exorcise the demon and post it, just to be able to think about something else.
> 
> So let me bring to you Singer Steve, not exactly ready to pretend to be a good little boy for money !
> 
> You know the drill, English is not my first language, I don't have a beta anymore... yeah, you know to be kind if you really want to point out any mistake.

The woman smells like jasmine, something strong and sweet. Her hair long, so long it brushes against his hand, safely on her waist during the inevitable picture. It feels wrong, to have her so close, and he know Tony would be able to catch her perfume on him, later.

She offers him a coy smile, and a piece of paper with her number, and name.

“Call me ?” 

He wants to tell her no, to explain, but people are snapping pictures, and Rumlow looks happier than ever at the sudden turn of event.

“Yeah.” It sounds fake, he knows it is, the half smile, and the way he winks at her. “Maybe I will.”

 

It's all over Instagram in a minute.

Tony doesn't mention it. He sounds absent, and he talks a little about his work, about his day with Bruce. It dies quickly, they're both exhausted, and Steve knows he has to wake up early in the morning to fly back home.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow ?” he asks when Tony represses yet another yawn. 

“I don't know, tell me ?”

“I'll call you when we leave the airport.”

 

The hotel room is small, clean. Impersonal. He considers going out, to find something to eat, but it just doesn't feel like anything fun, especially if it means running into the few teenager girls waiting for him outside.

He feels old, and sad, and he calls Tony back, because he suddenly feels like his world, their world isn't waiting for him, a few hours away.

 

“Steve, come on, Steve...” Tony sounds helpless, and he just whispers into the phone, sweet nonsenses, calming him down. Steve doesn't fight the tears, he sobs softly, his head down. “Please, can you just breathe with me ?”

Tony stays with him, while he requests a kettle and uses it to make the ramen his boyfriend packed in his bag just in case, while he takes a shower, while he gets ready to bed.

“You'll be here tomorrow, baby.” Steve closes his eyes. “You'll be here, and I'll be with you.”

 

Rumlow is still in a great mood in the morning. They fly together, mostly because Steve couldn't avoid it, not after the mess that was his last show. He knows the argument by heart now, he knows he can't mess up, now when his career is still so new, not when he suddenly became popular, almost overnight. And Pierce knows what he's talking about, he's sure.

“I'm not homophobic, Steve. That's not what this is about. But we are here to sell dreams, and, unfortunately, you and your boyfriend won't make anyone dream.”

He had tried to explain. How it was just about music, to him. How Tony had been the one he was singing about, how his first songs, the ones people could listen to online, had all been about him, even before they were together.

“We need women to love you, and to want to fuck you.” Rumlow had rolled his eyes. “We don't care about your life. We just need teenage girls to buy your fucking Tshirts.”

 

He's lucky, he knows he is. He's not young, he's not the charismatic man people would love him to be. Pierce mentoring him, and giving him hints about a contract, and a deal, it could change everything.

It used to be his dream, being able to leave his job at the gym, and only write, and sing.

 

Rumlow sits next to him, and he tells him about possible future deals with women's magazines, and sleazy bloggers, and Steve can't find in himself to be happy.

 

He texts Tony as soon as his feet hits the ground. He loses Rumlow pretty quickly, and grabs a Uber home. 

The knot in his chest disappears, slowly, it unfurls at the trees, the quiet roads. He spots Clint running alone, Lucky next to him, and it feels good to finally be home.

 

It's still early, early enough for him to call the guys at the gym, and squeeze a small workout to completely clear his mind from the ludicrous trip, from the jasmine perfume and Rumlow leering at him.

He makes a grocery run, and takes care of the laundry, he even finds time to write a few things down, nothing permanent, just an idea, a ballad maybe, something soft, only a guitar, and the sound of the garden around him.

Sitting on the steps outside, he watches the plants, the new additions, the things they should get rid of. Here, in faded sweats, his bare toes on the grass, he feels like home. 

 

He remembers the house, in the beginning. How empty and silent he all sounded, how difficult it was to just be, in all this silence.

 

He remembers the boys, coming over after his mother's funeral, bringing food, and games, fighting the dark and silences with laughter and yells in front of the tiny television.

He remembers Bucky, and the endless plates of food he would relentlessly bring with him. He remembers Clint, his coffees and his love for cold pizza in the morning.

And Tony.

 

He remembers the early days, his blatant crush on Phil's friend, the way he couldn't stop staring, the way he would get clumsy, awkward, and painfully aware Tony was taken, and happy.

Tony pretends it wasn't that obvious. Bucky claims he is still recovering of how painful it was.

 

He remembers everything, the good and the bad, the road trips, all of them piled up in two cars, laughing and free, and the nights nursing Clint after another fight with his brother, the parties in this very garden, and Tony's hand holding someone else's.

 

“What are you doing here, all alone ?”

Tony looks at him from the kitchen's door, and Steve can't help but beam at him. He's home, they are home.

Tony tastes like coffee and happiness.

 

“I was just thinking about you. Us.”

“Really ?” Tony kisses him, unhurried and soft, and pushes his glasses back in place. Steve feels bad for keeping him up the night before. Tony looks tired, and he stretches before asking, hopeful :

“Pizza ?”

“Whatever you want.” He drapes himself around his boyfriend and breathes him in. “Anything you want.”

 

Tony wasn't supposed to happen. Steve had been ready to let it go, not to push, not to ask more than the friendship that was so freely given.

In this mindset, lying about his sexuality had been easy. And it wasn't so much lying as it was keeping things private. He had dated girls before. It wasn't that hard to just smile and avoid questions, not that people were really interested.

They few songs he had posted over the years had attracted a few devoted followers, but no one had asked, not really.

He had been ready to just keep his non existent love life private, when Tony had knocked on his door, one night, eyes still red and filled with tears.

It had been inevitable, reaching for him and keeping him close. Listening to him, and comforting, and offering him his couch.

And one night, after too many drinks, and even more nights spent studying the brown eyes from afar, he had dared to speak.

"I know... I know you're still in love with him." The words had hurt, stuck in his throat, bitter, wrong. "I know you are not over him. But.. But if you let me..." He had tried to smile, knowing Tony, brilliant Tony probably knew what it meant, what he was offering, why he was offering. "I could treat you right. I could make you happy, if you'd just let me ?" 

"How would that even be fair to you ?" 

Steve had laughed had that, Tony looking stricken, lost. "I was ready to just let you fuck me, and pretend it's him. I just... I just want to take whatever I can get before you change your mind." 

"That's... Steve that's..." 

"I'm crazy about you, Tony. I've been for years. I don't mind being second, or third. I just want to be with you. Just give me a chance to be with you." 

Tony had kissed his cheek, soft.

 

“Are you okay ?” The same brown eyes, now a little older, a few more lines at the corners, but still so full of emotions. Steve reaches out and brushes his thumb on these lines, feeling once again very privileged to be here, to be allowed to touch.

“I'm good. The trip was Hell.” 

 

They don't really talk about it. 

It used to be fun, Tony always happy to come and cheer for him. 

Pierce had asked him to take down all the videos featuring his boyfriend.

 

“About that...” He sits on the toilet, and starts to study his feet. Steve doesn't like the tone of his voice, wary almost. “I talked to Brucie today. He's not against having a roommate. It could...”

“Absolutely not.” Steve jerks at the mere mention of a moving, and he sends the toothpaste tube flying across the room, knocking down a few items.

“It's just... Steve.” Tony holds his hand, stopping him. “I get how important this is to you. I do.”

“Pierce was joking about paparazzi coming here. And even if he wasn't, you're not moving out.”

“It could just be for a month or two, you said ?”

“No.” 

 

He's clingy, and needy. He searches for Tony's lips, he sleeps holding onto him, and he almost cries again, because he can't leave this behind. He can't.

 

“You know how I feel about it.” Clint doesn't look at him, keeping his eyes on Lucky, ecstatic after a morning jog in the park.

“I know. You think I'm selling my soul.”

“You are, dude.” Clint sits on the floor to pet the dog and give him water, his smile not reaching his eyes. “It's fucked up. There's nothing wrong with you being bi, and with Tony. And these people want you to hide this huge part of you just to make money.”

It's an old argument. One he was passionate about. Before. Now he silently agrees.

“I saw the post they made about you and that girl. That's disgusting. What was her name ?”

“Sharon. She's another of Pierce's protege.” 

“Well I'm sure Tony was thrilled about that.” Steve sits on the grass, eyes on his sneakers. Tony had looked sad, watching him go to that party alone. He had tried to joke at the pictures, but it had fell flat, and Steve had been too scared to mention it ever since.

“Still better than Taylor Swift, uh ?”

“I can't believe he even asked you about that.”

“The thing is...” Clint watches him expectantly, and it gives him strength to go on. They knows each other well, Clint knows it's Steve's way of making sense of things. “The thing is, I never felt like I was doing something wrong.”

“And now they make you feel ashamed of yourself ?” Clint is too good at reading him.

“Yeah.”

 

He's restless enough to accept a game with the boys, just because the alternative of going home and reading Pierce's new email listing everything wrong with him is not bearable. 

Rhodes, Tony's best friend, join them, Thor and Sam too, it's a nice Sunday morning. Steve used to hate it, this boring life, playing with the boys, going back home, work and sleep and again in the morning.

Now it starts to feel like something he would miss.

“Where is Tony ?” Thor, always Tony's first fan, looks at him expectantly, and Steve can't help but chuckles.

“I left him sleeping this morning.” He reaches for his phone. “Call him, and tell him we're going to get food. He'll come, I'm sure.”

“Hell, mention coffee and he'll fly over here.” Rhodes laughs and is the first to stretch and clap. “Okay, boys, showers and then beer ?”

 

Natasha looks happy to see them, and opens the backyard so they can shout and yell and not be a bother to the few families inside. They colonise the huge table under the tree, and with Tony, then Phil, it turns into a joyous Sunday lunch.  
Bucky and Phil start to talk about the gym, and the few changes they want to make for the next months. Steve listens, and even offers his opinion, because the gym was home, in a different way, Phil a older brother, almost a father figure. On the other side of the table, Tony and Thor are apparently in deep conversation regarding foreign politics, and it feels like family, right.

Until it doesn't.

“Excuse me ? Are you Steven Grant ?” 

She doesn't look older than fifteen, and it's so crazy to see such a young girl ask for a picture, the whole table falls silent.

“Is Sharon here with you ?” She looks around, hopeful, and Steve catches her phone, and knows she's recording everything. Rumlow warned him, it was going to happen more and more. “She's your girlfriend, right ?”

 

“Please get out. This is a private area.” Natasha guides her back inside, and shoots them an apologetic glance. The family leaves, and Steve feels thankful for Natasha, and her strict rules, but at the same time this is not the same anymore.

“I feel ancient.” Clint shakes his head, and finishes up his beer. “What the fuck, how old was she ?”

“Tony, let's get another round.” Thor gently pulls him toward the bar, inside, and Steve has to remind himself everything is fine.

“You okay ?” Bucky's fingers tap his arm, and he tries to smile, but he knows he isn't fooling anyone.

“Yeah.”

 

“Your friends are good looking, that's good.” Pierce checks the video one last time, and smiles, a little cold. “Can you imagine how good it would've been if Sharon had been there ?”

“I know.” Steve doesn't want to start this argument again, and it must show, somehow, because Rumlow rolls his eyes, again. 

“Okay, the Taylor Swift thing was a mistake on my part, so sue me. But you have to admit one night with Sharon really pushed you into the light.”

“Who's the redhead, anyway ?” Pierce is looking at Natasha, a calculating look on his face. “She's stunning, and the camera loves her. A friend of yours ?”

“Yes, she used to work with me.”

“Good. Good. Bring her tonight. I'm having a few people home, something fun. It'll be good for you, networking, mingling.”

“I'll see if she's free.” Pierce looks at him like he's a kid, like he's naïve, and maybe he is, but Steve doesn't feel at his place here, in his giant office with a view.

“You know, Steve, I can see myself in you. You don't trust me. Aha !” He holds up his hand, laughing. “I know, and it's fair. So far we've been breathing down your neck, and we only asked you to obey.”

“It's been a challenge.” It's his polite way to say he's tired. Tired of the fitting for clothes he can't afford, nights playing in clubs he doesn't want to spend time in.

“We know.” Rumlow is back, and he puts a file in front of him. “And so there it is.”

They both look satisfied, and they both lose their smiles when they realise he's not going to sign. Steve reads, and the words dance in front of his eyes, because while this used to be his dream, what he wanted, all he can think about is how this Hell will soon become his full time life.

“I need to read this first.” He feels the glares, and musters his best smile, the one Bucky finds hilarious, cute little catholic boy. “I promised my Ma I would always read things overnight.”

“Of course !” Pierce laughs, and he stands to clap on his shoulder. “Go home, read. We'll talk about it tonight, come a little earlier, we'll celebrate.”

“I'm looking forward to it.”

 

“Steve...” Phil puts his glasses on his desk, and shakes his head a few times. “I'm afraid you know what I'm about to say...”

“They're going to own me, uh ?”

“I strongly advise against signing this. The money isn't worth losing your freedom.” 

Steve nods a few times, eyes on his hands clasped in front of him. It's not a surprise, no. He knew signing would mean losing a lot...

“Have you showed this to Tony ?” 

Phil stands up, and goes to the coffee machine. It's familiar, in a way. Steve used to hide in there, when everything was too much, when all he needed was someone ready to fight for him. Bucky left for his class, but Steve knows how upset he is, how they both are revolted on his behalf. 

“No.” He accepts the cup, decaf with a spoonful of coconut cream. His favourite. “No, because he'll tell me it's fine. He'll tell me...” He takes a sip and sighs. “Tony sacrifices a lot for my dreams. Always have.”

“Do you want to accept ?” Phil doesn't judge. It's not his style. He waits for an answer, blowing softly on his cup.

“You know... My first song, it was about Tony. I was just... so lost, I didn't know what I was feeling for him. It's about coming out, and about accepting yourself.”

“I remember.” Phil is kind, and Steve knows he did listen to all of his songs, at least once. 

“Well if I sign this, they want me to write it again. Change the pronouns. Make it about a girl who doesn't exist.”

“And you're going to let them do that ?”

 

Tony eyes the table suspiciously, his favourite pizza waiting, the bottle of Prosecco chilled to perfection. 

“What did you do ?” Steve can't help but laugh, and comes to collect his kiss. 

“I talked to Pepper today.” Steve hands him the bottle and reaches for two glasses. Tony looks a little surprised, but not exactly upset. “Phil is actually the one who called at first. She's exactly like you described.”

“Charming and delightful ?” The sounds of the wine hitting the glass makes them both smile. 

“Driven and lethal.” Steve giggles at Tony's face. “I sent her my contract, and she decided to help me cut any ties with Pierce.”

Tony doesn't jump. He doesn't pry, or ask for more. He offers Steve a glass, and kisses his jaw. “I'm glad Phil called her. She's amazing, and I'm not saying that because she's in charge of my company.”

“I'm meeting with her tomorrow.” 

 

It's pretty anticlimactic. All it takes is a few hours with Matt, the lawyer Pepper introduces him to, and he leaves the building a free man.

It's good to drive back to the gym, and to work out a new schedule with more classes with Phil. It's good to drive back home and to stop for Tony's favourite ice cream.

He savours his, peanut butter and chocolate, while watching the rain outside.

The thunder makes the windows shiver, but to him, today is an amazing day. He's free.

 

The door isn't even properly closed, Tony still on his phone when he pushes him against the wall and attacks his neck. He hears something, Tony apologising and someone making fun of him, maybe. He throws everything on the dresser, and he focuses on the clothes, more exactly getting rid of them as quickly as he can.

“Should I be worried ?” Tony giggles when Steve suddenly lifts him up to help get rid of his shoes. “I feel like I should ask.”

“I love you.” They laugh, and they don't even pretend to just wait or take things slow. When they finally make it to their bed, they are both naked, Steve painfully hard, and the laughter between them completely gone.

“How do you want me ?” Tony brushes his thumb on Steve's lips, and hisses when he takes it in his mouth, sucking and releasing it with a very loud sound in the quiet room. 

“In me.” It's a surprise, but a good one if Tony's smile in an indication. Steve reaches out for the lube, knowing exactly what he's promising, what he's showing off, kneeling on the bed. Tony's eyes are almost black when he looks up his shoulder. “You fuck me.”

 

He wakes up at five, with a melody stuck in his head. It keeps playing, again and again, and so he gives up, slowly extracts himself from Tony's hold and visits first the bathroom, then their office.

It's not usually that easy, but the melody is already there, and most of the words are here too.

When at seven am, Tony offers him a cup of coffee and moans about the bed being too cold, Steve takes his hand and follows him back.

 

Clint, too happy to be in charge of his new website and social media, actually blushes when he listens to it. A full blush, starting from his chest right to his hairline. 

“It's that bad ?” Steve tries not to laugh because it's not a real question. He knows it's good. It's graphic, sure. And he probably won't be able to keep the title as it is, but it's good.

“It's certainly going to make people think.” They both work in silence for a while. It's nice, working with a friend. Clint handles the Pierce fall out with grace, and leaves a few hints here and there. They talked about posting something about Tony during his next show, at the Roadhouse. Something small, intimate. Natasha will pay him, of course, but he knows it's mostly her being an amazing friend. 

“I want the song to go live before the show. I want people to know.”

“That Tony is an amazing lay ?” Clint dodges the pen flying his way.

“That I'm bi. That's I can have sex with a man, and with a woman, and it doesn't change anything about who I am.”

“It's a good song.” Clint stretches and looks outside, smiling at the sunny day. “You know, I was worried about you. I think we all were. But I never thought you would suddenly leave everything behind and write song about bottoming for the love of your life.”

“It's a good song, uh ?” 

Clint laughs.

 

Tony listens to it when they're both trying to decide between cooking something or ordering. Steve leaves him with his headphones, and starts to rummage in the fridge, for some chicken maybe, and enough to make a stir fry. 

The first sob makes him jump out of his skin.

Tony hides his face behind his hand, and he looks so wrecked Steve forgets the fridge, and dinner, and everything to just hold him.

He doesn't joke, he doesn't ask if it's that bad. This isn't Clint or Bucky. Tony tries to smile, and it breaks his heart.

“I just... I always knew but. You're happy. To be with me.”

And it hurts even more, because Tony had always been so supportive, so loving and patient, Steve never doubted for a minute. 

“I am. I love you Tony. You know I do.”

“I know. I know.” The sobs are shaking him still, and Steve promises himself to spend the rest of his life preventing this from happening. “I just never thought you would. Tell people. About me.”

 

They forget dinner, and order pizza from the safety of their bed. Tony looks embarrassed by his outburst, and Steve has to coax him into a few slices of pizza and a glass of water. He keeps his hands soft, and his lips close. 

Tony is hurt, and he's ready to accept his part of the guilt.

“I was ready to be your secret, I suppose.” They both cuddle and pretend to watch something on Steve's laptop. It's easier to open up, in the dark. “I was ready for you to be this uber macho version of yourself, and me having to play your sweetheart.”

“We are more than clichés. You're a man. I love you because you are a man.”

“I... I'm glad.”

They're almost asleep when Steve adds, fingers brushing Tony's hair.

“You sacrificed a lot for me. But you were never my dirty secret. Never.”

 

The show is a success. It's not a room full of people screaming his name, in fact, most of the people present are long-time followers, but it's nice, to sing old songs and to hear them ask for the new stuff.

Sharon sits at a table with some of her friends, and she screams with all the others when he start to play his new song, “You F me”. It's nice to see her here, apologising in silence for the ridiculousness of it all. She's gracious and funny, and she doesn't mention the fact Tony barely answers her hello and carefully avoids her hand. Still, she requests a selfie with both of them, and her comment on her various social accounts are full of support.

The picture of him kissing Tony between songs makes it to a few magazines. Clint is careful to monitor everything and re-upload a few of his old videos, where Tony appears for a few seconds. The reaction is amazing. Love starts pouring over, from celebrities to people who never listened to his songs before. He gets calls, and emails, and at some point he has to call Matt back, because people are offering things he's not ready to deal with on his own.

It's crazy.

And in the middle of it all, there's Tony.

 

They're all at the beach, for the day. Tony and Thor are, of course, together, getting excited for ice cream, and Steve can't help but watch them from afar, forgetting the game and the others.

“Excuse me, are you Steven Grant ?” The kid looks like he's twenty something. Thin, and a little shy, with big glasses. He apologises for bothering him, and asks for a picture. 

It's still a little surreal, people reaching out to him, but Steve keeps his smile in place, and listens to the kid telling him about his life, and his father mentioning Steve's videos.

“I wanted to thank you, really.” Steve and Thor are back, but they keep their distance, a knowing smile floating on both of their faces. “Your song, it's just... it helped him realise I'm still going to be me. Just because I love guys doesn't change me.”

“I'm glad I could help. I really am.”

 

Tony offers him his cone. Coconut and lime, it's not sweet enough in his humble opinion, but Tony is laughing, and it doesn't matter anymore.

 

On the way home, he holds his hand, and starts humming a new song.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! I hope you liked it enough to consider leaving me kudos and nice comment ! It makes my day :)
> 
> You can find this story (and me) on Tumblr.
> 
>  http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/161069210589/free
> 
> While I have your attention, please please please remember to drink water ? I woke up with a gigantic migraine this morning and I'm pretty sure dehydration is the cause... don't be like me, be smart !!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Trapped](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520786) by [tonystarkssnipples](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarkssnipples/pseuds/tonystarkssnipples)




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